What is left when the heart explodes?

Ok so, it's been a while since I posted one of these... and if I didn't know myself any better, I'd say it was because my life was actually OK for once lol - I didn't feel the need to express myself. My birthday was fine and I was supposed to post up all the pretty things people gave me but, I couldn't be stuffed.

But now I'm anxious to get these words out, ever since the start of a heated discussion with my cousin, Caridza. I have made mistakes in my life and a lot of them ended in me hurting myself... again and again. Here I stand, 23 and still... hurting myself - because of the choices I make... and the people I love. To tell you briefly, I'm gonna talk about the last 3 main men in my life - Mr A, Mr B and Mr C. Mr A - I knew only for a short time and it was while I was away on holidays... we met, we fell, then I had to leave. Painful enough - not being able to feel the full potential of the relationship and then to make matters worse, his life was taken... by a drunk driver.... worst month EVER! A year later came Mr B... now unless you want to sit here and read a novel, I suggest we go with the summed up version: 3.5 years of beautiful highs, very low lows and a lot of learning and stubbornness in between. Then more recently, Mr C haha... kind of coincided with Mr B *blush* but only towards the end. It was only a short period of time - again, while I was away on travels, so that was undoubtedly doomed from the start... but I fell for Mr C very hard, not entirely sure what it was ... but I did and i thought he felt the same. I thought maybe it was special enough to carry over the distance - just long enough til we were reunited.... I know, I'm stupid right? LOL well there's a first for everything. I've gotta be the dummy at some point.

So more recently I'm presented with different mmm cases... case A involves someone I have feelings for... strong feelings for.. yet it is UNREQUITED (I'll admit it, ok? it's unrequited) and this person may even have someone else... who knows? But for some reason, I long to be attached to case A and nothing seems to change my mind... eventhough so many better... cases have presented itself. I would give anything to let go of this feeling... coz what sucks more than wanting someone who doesn't want you?
Case B involves someone who is so compassionate and loving and is almost perfect. Of course, if it was such an easy snatch, why wouldn't you take it?! There are still complications with this case.. but it's definitely easier than Case A........
Case C is a security blanket... it's always been sitting there... but it needed to be handled with care.. it's the kind that would you wouldn't actively force the situation... but u wouldn't turn it down either ^_^ haha.

So the problem lies here... Case B and C are wiser, easier options... but the girl is still gunning for A. Am I stupid? Yes... Are you setting yourself up for more hurt? Yes... What do I do next? Wallow in self pity maybe? Sit and wait for the miracle case that'll change everything? Go out and have a one night stand then maybe it's bring around a different case to deal with? haha... Maybe all the above ^_^

So is anybody lost yet? Everyone? You're probably thinking... what the EFF is this girl on about? Why the hell did I bother reading this bullshit...... hey... I need to let this out ok? Before I do something stupid.... if you don't want to read this - THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE U EVEN HERE?! :) smiles and love